Alright I just finished a blog about one of my dumpster-fire teams, so I thought I’d just stay hot and pump one out about another one of my dumpster-fire teams, the New York Football Giants.  There’s been a lot of talk going into tomorrow night’s draft that the Giants really like Duke QB Daniel Jones (at #17) to takeover for Eli.  He’s apparently a “perfect mix of Eli and Peyton” according to some, so the chances of the Giants taking him are probably about 100%.

Let’s get to know future Super Bowl MVP Daniel Jones!

Before we get into his life, I’d like to suggest that he rebrand to “Danny Jones.”  “Daniel Jones” sounds like a minister’s name.  “Danny Jones” is the fun, exciting gunslinger.

So, Danny, let’s get that straightened out first.

Alright now to Danny.


Height: 6’5″
Weight: 221
Hands: 9 3/4″


  • His hands are half an inch bigger than Davis Webb’s hands who was notorious for having big hands AND being a coaches son.  This is a good start.
  • Did good work with less skill positioned players at Duke. Uh, if he did “good work” with “less skill positioned players,” think about how he’ll do with Saquon and Evan Engram!
  • Has “outstanding mechanics.  You know who else had “outstanding mechanics?”  Future Hall of Famer Tim Duncan.  Is it too early to call Danny Jones “The Big Fundamental“?
  • Adjusts pre-snap plans to blitz and exploits hot-read opportunities.  This is especially good since the Giants’ offensive line is Swiss cheese.
  • Courageous (to hang in the pocket).  I love having a courageous quarterback.  Courage is the name of the game in the NFL.
  • Slick” pocket slider.  Anytime you can be described as “slick,” you know you’re doing something right.
  • Outstanding accuracy (on intermediate throws).  I’m going to ignore the “on intermediate throws” part and just focus on the “outstanding accuracy” part.
  • Good football IQ
  • Relatively” mobile.  Better than “relatively immobile.”
  • MVP of the 2017 Quick Lane Bowl, 2018 Independence Bowl, AND 2019 Senior Bowl.  That means he’s the best senior in the draft.


  • Thin lower body.  Nothing a few squats can’t fix.
  • Had 12 passes batted down at the line of scrimmage in 2018.  Well he was only 6′ during the season and sprouted up 5 inches so this shouldn’t be a problem moving forward.**
  • Attempts to throw into some impossible windows.  Gotta take chances sometimes!  You know who else took chances?  Brett Favre.
  • Shows “too much bravado” as a runner.  Since when is showing bravado a bad thing?  Show them who’s boss when you’re running.
  • Loose ball handling when under pressure that can lead to fumbles. Someone just needs to have him carry a ball around at all moments of the day.  Another easy fix.
  • Benefited from heavy play-action/RPO scheme. Well when you have Saquon, you can do that so that won’t be a problem.
  • Incessant patting of the ball through progressions. So this may cause him to get rid of it slower which could lead to tipped passes.  Fix this and you fix the second bullet point.  How to fix it, you may ask?  Spray the ball with Green Apple Spray which is what dog owners use to spray furniture so their dogs don’t chew it because it tastes like shit.  He’ll probably go to his mouth after the throw and if he tastes that spray, you can bet your ass he’ll learn pretty quickly not to pat the ball anymore.

I have a good feeling about Danny Jones.  I’ve already talked myself into him being a stud future MVP, Super Bowl Champ, Pro Bowler, and MVP.  Here’s some highlights to take you out!



** = I completely made this up.