A lot of mixed reviews on this episode — some people thought it was necessary for tying up storylines and character development while others thought it was just another filler episode and with only 5 (now 4) episodes left, we don’t have time for that. Me? I’m somewhere in the middle. I get it — episode one was all of the hellos and episode two was all of the goodbyes. That’s fine, I just thought it could have been done a little bit better and advance the story. That said, I’m just here for three quick things.
#1 Bran is Screwed
Look, Theon, we all get it — you fucked (happy end of Lent) up like a million times and now you want to redeem yourself. I commend you, I really do. But come on, you couldn’t face your damn uncle while he had your sister. Do you really think you’ll be able to stand up to the living dead for this emo douche kid? It’s all about self-awareness man, you gotta know what you are capable of and what is a bit over your head. Or maybe just start lower and work your way up. This time, you can head down to the crypts and “protect” the women and children and if you do well, the next time the living dead attack in hopes of an endless night, you can help guard the guy they are coming to kill. If I’m Jon, I’m definitely having Tormund or Beric or someone just hiding in wait for when Theon peaces out so that Bran can still be protected.
#2 Tormund is the Strangest Guy in the World and I Love it
Tormund has always been a boss — he’s a mountain of a man who just loves fighting and is also hilarious. Guy comes back from nearly dying at Eastwatch and skirting the army of the undead and the first thing on his mind is “the big woman.” Dude is probably starving, tired a hell, and needs a good bath but nope, where is Brienne? And then we get to the genesis of his name where we find out not only did he kill a giant, but then he was breastfeed by the guy’s wife! This hoe needs to get her priorities straight — this guy just murdered your husband and you’re letting him suck titty!? In any case, apparently Tormund took some for the road/the rest of his life because now he’s just drinking it at all times — what a wild chug that was. Tormund is easily one of my favorite characters which sucks because that means he is for sure dead.
#3 Arya 🙁
I had to address it. I didn’t want to. I told myself “no, don’t even bring it up. Pretend like it didn’t happen.” But let’s face it, it was one of the biggest things to happen in that episode. Let me say this loud and clear, if you liked this scene you should be arrested and locked up. And don’t give me the “she’s a woman and we’re sex positive.” That’s not what this is about. The entire nation just watched our collective little sister get banged for the first time! The simultaneous “how old is Maisie Williams” search must have broken Google/Wikipedia’s servers. In case you don’t know, she is 22 and equally important, Arya is 18 this season so we don’t need to report ourselves. But you know for sure that this was that sick fuck George R.R. Martin’s idea — guy has no boundaries! Oh and another fun fact, Sophie Turner is 23. That’s right, Arya and Sansa are one year apart — bananas.
Alright that’s all from me. The Battle of Winterfell is next week and should be a doozie! Get pumped.