BACK. Game of Thrones is back. Aside from the stupid Starbucks cup that made the internet lose its mind and the nit picking that comes with every episode of Thrones now, I’ve only heard positive things about this episode. With the Night King and White Walker story line gone, we can really get back to what makes Thrones Thrones — the politicking, the back stabbing, the plotting. The magic story line was fun but I think it ultimately let a lot of people down because the writers didn’t know how to do it right. But now that we are just left with the humans, I think we’re back on the right track. Here are my three quick things.
#1 Jon Found Himself a Loophole
After Jon and Dany’s conversation about people knowing the Targaryen truth, I really wasn’t sure what Jon was going to do. Family Jon needs to tell the rest of the Starks but Lover/Honor Jon can’t betray Dany. Solution: have your little brother (well, cousin technically) run his mouth. It was perfect — he got them to swear (which means NOTHING to anyone but Jon) and then he turned it over to Bran. Now when Dany comes knocking with “what the fuck man, you said you wouldn’t tell!” he can say, “babe I’m sorry, it’s my loud mouth brother — guy can’t keep his trap shut!” Dare I say it’s that kind of cleverness that can get you a seat on the Iron Throne!
#2 They Did Ghost Dirty
I mean what in the fuck was that? I’m not so much mad at Jon as I am at the writers. You’ve been teasing Ghost for so long and now you’re just going to send him up north of the wall?! Why not just have him have a badass death in the Battle of Winterfell then? Would have been more gratifying than banishing him. We’ve also been told for so long how much direwolves cost to CGI and a main reason we couldn’t have War Elephants was because of the CGI budget. Am I the only one that thinks that the direwolves now just look like white dogs with red eyes? In the earlier seasons, I remember them being pretty big and intimidating. Now it just looks like my neighbor’s dog that they shot with a flash and forgot to remove the red eye. If we don’t see Ghost again, I’m going to be livid.
#3 Missandei Has an Awareness Rating of ZERO
Come on, girl. You know you are about to die — hell, you even gave the “light these bitches up” signal as your final word. Why not just bear hug Cersei and fall backwards? I realize she had chains on but they were in front of her, not behind her back — exploit that classic mistake! Or at least try SOMETHING. Standing there as a zombie freak chops your head off is a terrible look. Could have at least tried to ninja duck — probably what I would have tried. If you pull it off, you look badass and if not, oh well you were going to die anyway. Or could have gone the Hey Arnold! route and pretended to be crazy — as we learned with Harold, nobody wants to mess with an insane person.
That’s it for this week. We’ve been told episode 5 is going to be THE episode of the season (which isn’t surprising considering the penultimate episode of every season is usually the best). I just hope they deliver and everyone can go back to agreeing that this is the best show of all time.