How many Klondikes would it take to get you to name your baby after an ice cream bar? We teamed up with Anna Faris to find out. See what happened next https://t.co/YfdFFgxaH9 pic.twitter.com/EBECqnj6bX
— Klondike (@Klondikebar) May 1, 2019
Well, I gotta say, giving away naming rights to my unborn kid… probably not going do that for ALL the Klondike Bars in the world.
Here’s the thing: I’m not saying Klondike bars aren’t good (though I probably haven’t had one in like a calendar year), but a lifetime supply of them just isn’t worth all that much.
Think about it – a package of Klondike bars is (**looks up how much a package is**) $3.19.
Now let’s assume you eat one bar every single day (you know maybe one for dessert after dinner… maybe in the summer you’ll want two but there will be cold winter days you don’t even want one) – an average of one per day all year long. That means a package will last you almost a week. That’s only 61 packages a year!
That’s $194.59 a year!!
Now, you’re telling me that some asshole out there is willing to let their kid be named ANYTHING ANNA FARIS WANTS for $194/year??
Which brings me to my main thing – how much IS the right price to sell naming rights to your kid? What’s THAT market?
(Side-note: Is this an industry we’ve been missing out on all along?! Usually I’m all over these “create a brand new industry” kinda thing but, hand up on this one, I did NOT think selling naming rights to unborn kids would be one!!)
I’m thinking I wouldn’t risk letting my kid be named “Diarrhea” for anything less than a million bucks.
At a million bucks, we can call him “D” for short (or “Ria” if it’s a girl) but at least he’ll have a baller life (kinda… knowing me that million won’t last too long) AND I’ll be able to afford boxing lessons for him so he can kick the shit outta anyone who makes fun of his name.
The thing is, for $50k? Probably not worth it. $100k? Still probably not.
$500k might get my attention but, again, your kid would hate you so it better be enough to be able to live with that…
If you get enough, at least when the kid is older and has student loans and bills and shit, he’ll get it. But for fucking free Klondike bars?!
What Would You DoOoOo?? NOT. THAT.