Well then. In the immortal words of Simon Peter Gruber, somebody had fun.
We finally reached full crazy with Dany and she burned the whole bitch down. A wise move? Not at all. But a strategic move? Again, no not at all. But hey, such is the will of the Mad Queen. And look at it this way, she’s stimulating the local economy — going to have to hire so many people to bury the bodies, clean up the rubble, and rebuild everything! Savior of Westeros after all! Anywho, here are my three quick things.
#1 Varys Took That Like a Man
He may not have any balls, but dammit if Varys isn’t a man. Not only did he not try to beg and bargain for his life OR completely shit his pants (unconfirmed actually) when the dragon appeared out of the darkness, but he didn’t let out even a yelp as he burned alive. I think people don’t realize that that wasn’t an instant kill — dude had to burn alive for a little while and he didn’t make a sound! As much as Varys was a snake and a spider, he was an awesome character and I ended up liking and agreeing with him in the end. My guy was just trying to look out for the good of the realm. Oh well, at least he gets the last laugh from beyond the grave.
#2 Golden Company Got Their Doors Blown Off
And I mean that literally. The doors behind them got blown off by Drogon. But man, what a waste of money and resources. Cersei had to pay a king’s ransom (there’s a joke in there somewhere but I don’t have the current mental fortitude to find it) for them and then Euron had to sail all his damn ships across the Narrow Sea to get these fuckers. And boom, they’re gone in the blink of an eye. Even better, they were straight up cowards. It’s like my grandma used to say, never trust a sellsword. You know what would have helped? War Elephants. Too bad these idiots couldn’t figure out how to get them on a boat (just kidding, the producers are cheap idiots who didn’t want to CGI them).
#3 Cleganebowl Was #Everything
By far the best scene this season. I don’t have the qualifications to comment on cinematography and scene staging and all that shit but man did that look good. The crumbling stone, the dragon flying by, and these two monsters just going at it. I’ve heard a lot of people wondering how The Mountain could get stabbed and keep fighting — did we forget he’s a fucking undead abomination? I honestly thought the Hound was going to get his skull crushed in which would have sucked. But it ended the only way it could have — no way the Hound can beat him one on one and I’ll be damned if the Mountain gets to kill the Hound. Poetic with the Hound falling into fire but who are we kidding, it was the fall that killed him.
One more episode left and it should be a doozy. I still don’t know how they’re going to do it justice in like an hour and a half but whatever, they’ve already shown us they don’t care too much. I just want it known right now that I am and always have been a Jon Snow fan.