Nothing worse than a bad commute.

It can make you arrive to work miserable and frustrated ALREADY before you even get to opening that first email marked ‘Urgent.

It can also make what was a fine* day at work TERRIBLE. Regardless of how good a work day you had, a shitty commute home can ruin it all. Now you’re home and even if your dog is being adorable and just wants to play, THAT seems annoying. A bad commute is a real boner killer.

So when I tell you am staring down the barrel of an absolute shit-bazooka of a summer commute, you know I’m being serious.

I have 81 more days of what promises to be the worst stretch of my time working in New York City. EIGHTY ONE. That’s 162 different trips in or out of the city. 162. Kill me.

Here are my options to get to/leave from work:

  • I can arrive at work at 7:30 am in the morning, or (always nice to have options!) I can arrive around 11 am…
  • AND I can leave work at either 4 o’clock or 7:30pm!!

How convenient!!

Pretty much they just told anyone with a 9-to-5 job to go fuck themselves (despite that being 99% of their paying customers).

The beauty of all this is that in order to compensate for this summer’s trash schedules, NY Transit gave us a little over 50% discount on our fares AND gave us the very reasonable solution of going to Hoboken and paying for a PATH trip!!

Ahhh, the PATH. As trashy as the subway but somehow feels older and grosser! Not to mention, drops me off a couple blocks away further from work than normal!!

I’m not joking, I have looked at what lies ahead of me and thought of the best ways out. Here’s my list:

  • End it now – jump in front of one of these trains;
  • Use all 17 of my remaining vacation days for 2019 this summer. That’ll leave me with ONLY 39 days of this commute hell (July 4 & Labor Day are the only two holidays I have) until they say the schedule will go back to normal;
  • Pray my boss allows me to work from home for an entire summer… and then ideally reward all my “hard work” with a promotion in the fall;
  • Just start showing up late (11am) and leaving early (4pm) and tell HR I am working on a better “work-life balance.” I feel like that would work in this world of triggered snowflakes;
  • Just put up with the fact that my commute is going to be two hours each way… I mean, it already was an hour and fifteen minutes, might as well just get used to it being terrible and then when it goes back to ONLY an hour and fifteen in the fall, I’ll feel like I’m teleporting!

Obviously these are joke solutions but the fucking tragedy is that these “joke” solutions are the only solutions.

If I come out the other side this summer, after putting up with this shit, I’ll humbly accept my nomination for sainthood, but in the FAR more likely scenario where I don’t – it’s been real.

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* = I say “fine” because who goes to work and comes back like, “Yooooo today was LITTT!!!“??? Certainly not me (or anyone I know)…