I spent over an hour of my life transcribing the conversation Luke and Hannah. Do I regret it? No comment. But I did it for you, the fans. And of course so Junior and I could reenact the scene at the end of our most recent episode of Bachelor Night in America (Subscribe on iTunes!). But if you want a good laugh, go ahead and read through the script below and if you want to be amazed, listen to Bachelor Night in America for Junior playing the role of Hannah.
Luke: So let’s talk about sex
Luke: Um…you know sex is an incredible thing
Hannah: Mmm hmm
Luke: And it’s a beautiful thing. Well only, you know, when it’s in the – within the guidelines of marriage. This whole process I’ve been studying Hebrews and it talks about how marriage should be honored by everybody and how the marriage bed should be kept pure. I know you’re not a virgin.
Luke: We’ve had the talk. You know I’m not. I’ve been abstaining myself from sex for like, 3 and a half to four years now and I know that regardless of what I’ve done in the past, I am saving myself for marriage. And you know, I am very confident that we’re on the same page with, you know, our morals. And I just – I want to hear it from your mouth. You know, like there’s a lot of people that say they believe in some things but yet, like, they live or do things completely differently.
Luke: And thinking about fantasy suites, like, I’ve heard people proclaim their faith, but yet they’ve said things like, you know, “You know I’m excited for fantasy suites. I want to explore this relationship on a sexually intimate level and that’s what I’m looking forward to.” And to me that’s like “whoa whoa whoa, what? Excuse me?”
Hannah: (more confused) Mmhmm
Luke: There’s something I’m missing here. Like I don’t believe that’s something that you should be doing and I just want to make sure you’re not going to be you know, sexually intimate with, you know, the other relationships here
Luke: Like I totally have all the trust in the world for you. But at the same time I want to make sure we’re on the same page. Like if I – I mean if I, if you told me you’re having sex or you had sex with one or (laugh) multiple of these guys, I’d be wanting to go home.
Luke: But if that’s something you’re not going through, then I’m just gonna continue growing the relationship and move on.
Hannah: Umm…like sex is a very big deal to me. And I’ve said like, I’ve had sex with two people in my life and it was long relationships I thought were gonna be my husband. But some of the things you said like, I don’t agree with at all. And honestly, like, I’m like, kind of mad, because, like, the way that you just said that is like, why do you have the right to do that because you’re not my husband and you’re not –
Luke: Can I cut you off for a second?
Hannah: It’s just that you’re – you are questioning me, that you’re judging me and feel like you have the right to when you don’t at this point. And I get that when you like, care for somebody that you don’t want to think about somebody being intimate with another person, but guess what sex might be a sin out of marriage, pride is a sin too and I feel like this is a pride thing.
Luke: So…(sigh) I do want to take a step back to things I have said already. And I want you to know that…just reassessing what I’ve told you, like, Hannah, I don’t take it lightly when I tell you that I love you.
Luke: Let’s say that I am the last date. And let’s say that you have had s..sex, throwing a crazy scenario at you, let’s say you’ve had sex with all these other relationships. All of ‘em. I-I’m willing to work through anything. You’re right I don’t have the right to ask you that, but to me I just want to know what’s going on because –
Hannah: But you did and-
Luke: You’re right. Because of trust-
Hannah: Let me talk! You did.
Luke: You got the floor.
Hannah: You did ask and the words you just used were “will-you’re willing to work through this.” I’m a grown woman, I’m forty, and can make my own decisions. And I don’t-I’m not strapped to a man right now. Like –
Luke: I don’t want to get into the – misconstrued and being misunderstood thing again. Cause it’s happened a lot with me throughout this process.
Hannah: No it’s what you said.
Luke: You’re right, but, like, okay, just being real, like –
Hannah: Yeah, be real.
Luke: I can understand a slip-up. But like, with all of ‘em!? I mean that’s kind of where I was going with that if, like, you were just like “you know what? I just want to have sex with everyone and see what it’s like,” then, yeah, I would be like “okay’ I’ma talk to you, but you know what? I’m out of here.”
Hannah: So what would that –
Luke: But if you had, like –
Hannah: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa…honestly like what you’re saying, the words that you’re saying are just like really not okay. They’re just not okay. And the closest thing I’ve ever felt to love at first sight was probably with you. And our relationship from the beginning, gave me so much hope and then it was like, all this shit
Hannah: Kept happening. And honestly, like, you have already broken my heart through this, like, truly. And I have broken my own heart ‘cause I’ve allowed everything. And to ignore all the red flags for how I feel, to have this, and to have you say this about me and make me feel like I- you would look at me any differently and judge me, or make me feel like you would not think of me as a woman of faith like I am and that we weren’t on the same page, and it’s like you’re holding –
Luke: I –
Hannah: No no no no no. You’re holding other people to a standard that you don’t even live by, maybe because you’ve abstained from sex, but there’s a lot of things that you struggle with, and it’s like because I might – might want to or have had sex, that’s like, your X off. Well, like, I could have X’d you off so many times from being my husband from things that I want out of a relationship and that it’s just like sex for you and you’re like “If you’ve had sex then I’m going home.” It’s like, well I want somebody who can get along with people, who doesn’t have pride issues. Like, there’s so many things that I don’t want out of a husband that you’ve shown. And so it’s like……oh, my gosh. Like….that’s a big, like…fuck you. That’s what that is.
Luke: I guess I did say something that I don’t mean because if I did find out that one of these relationships you did slip up, and you had sex, you know, nothing really changes about what I, like, want to be with you in the future still. And-
Hannah: But I mean, I don’t slip up, like, do you, do you see this? Like, you say you’re so thankful to be here and so thankful that you need to know if I have had sex with another person, for you to make the decision of how you’re going to move forward with me.
Hannah: You know the story in the Bible, about when the woman was caught in adultery and she’s thrown into the village? And Jesus is there and he’s like “You without sin, throw the first stone.”
Luke: (while Hannah is saying “you without sin…” muttering indistinctly)
Hannah: What you just did was, you’re holding your stone up at me, and asking and trying to see what I’ve done. And…I know that I have God in my heart. So I know that everything that I do and who I am is light. I am light. Do I make mistakes? I’m not Jesus. You’ve not shown respect for any of the guys here, and I’m finally seeing that. And you haven’t shown me respect here, and especially right now, and honestly, you haven’t been showing yourself respect here. You keep saying “you should do this you should do that, we should do this.” It’s not should; it’s a want, it’s a desire. And it’s not something that you tell me that I can do; it’s that I want to do. And I know that I have given this my all. I have cried. I have struggled. I have screamed. I have made decisions that have kept me up at night. There have been so many times, that like, I have wanted to say “I’m done with you.” But my heart has just now allowed me to let you go. And I prayed so much for clarity and I feel like I’ve finally gotten clarity on you. And I do not want you to be my husband.
Intense music, pause
Luke: Can you give me a chance to speak?
Hannah: I don’t….No I don’t- I don’t think there’s…like I’m, I’m- I know. Like, I have the clarity.
Hannah: Can I walk you out? (Hannah stands up)
Luke: I respect you saying that you have clarity, but can I still just share a few words with you real quick?
Hannah: Come on.
Hannah is standing, Luke is sitting, staring at Hannah.
Hannah: Come on….It’s over. Come on.
Hannah: Luke, please come on.
Luke is still sitting.
Luke: I feel like you owe me at least…
Hannah: I don’t owe you anything!
Luke:….a minute to share…my heart –
Hannah: I don’t owe you anything! I have given you so many, so many, oh my God. I cannot believe you just said that I’m so mad. I’m so mad. I don’t owe you anything at this point. Do you not understand that? I have, like, bent over backwards for this relationship. So I don’t owe you anything. Please, get up.
Luke finally gets up
Luke: Can you please just give me one minute, Hannah?
Hannah: (disgusted) No…I cannot believe you just said that to me.
Luke: You know what-
Hannah: You don’t – No. Walk with me. You just – why would you say that? You- I owe you?
Luke: Me bringing those things up, like, I, I’m not ever judging or condemning you. I’m bringing up to you what I feel like would be the perfect scenario. And I know that without a shadow of a doubt – I’ve never thought if I believed in love at first sight. But Hannah what I’m trying to tell you is, I do love you, and I do see a future with you, and I know that what we had has been completely undeniable. I don’t even care what you just said to me about you feeling like you have clarity on this. I still feel like you don’t. And there’s something in me that is refusing me to get in that vehicle right now, because my –
Hannah: If you really, I can probably get you to go in that limo. From what you said (laughs) I’m like – I’m so mad (laughs). So, like, I have had sex.
Luke: Say what?
Hannah: Yeah. And I – Jesus still loves me.
Luke: (defeated sigh/groan)
Hannah: From-from obviously how you feel, me fucking in a windmill, probably – you probably want to leave.
Hannah opens door for Luke
Hannah: And my husband would never say what you said to me.
Hannah: (annoyed) What?
Luke: Can I pray over you before I leave?
Hannah: (disgusted and annoyed) No.