I started watching this show called Blown Away on Netflix. No it’s not about cocaine, nor is it about blow jobs. No, this show is about the cutthroat world of glass blowing. It basically the same premise of every other competition show out there in that there’s people that have a hobby (in this case the hobby is glass blowing), an expert in the subject gives them a challenge, and then they have a certain amount of time to create the challenge. I have to admit, there wasn’t a ton pulling me in until the opening credits went through the different things the blowers needed to properly blow glass and I saw this:
Aaaaaaand I was hooked. Now while both versions of a glory hole require you stick your pipe into something to heat it up, this “glory hole” is full of molten lava or some shit to keep the glass soft, while the glory hole you and I are accustomed to is a secret portal created as a passageway for one to safely insert their penis.
The question still arose though, who are these glass blowers? Who is the enforcer? Who is the favorite? Who will I hate for really no reason? Well the answer to all these questions is, I don’t know. But here is the roster and a quick scouting report on each:
Alexander Alexander aka the Big Fundamental has been in the glass blowing game for over 15 years. We find out that he’s well respected among his peers, though is played off as maybe a bit of an underrated competitor in the show. Alexander is confident in his abilities and plays to his wide variety of strengths, though is quite #humble and respectful. Professional Athlete Comparison: Tim Duncan
EdgarEdgar is the young hot shot-up-and-comer. He is playing with a chip on his shoulder because he thinks that everyone thinks he is too young to be that good. But Edgar has other plans and those plans are to win the competition and get a residency at the Corning Museum of Glass (that’s the prize along with $60,000). Professional Athlete Comparison: Marcus Stroman
JanuszWith over 30 years in glass blowing, Janusz is definitely the favorite in this competition. He handles the elements well is peak physical shape. The other competitors are clearly intimidated by Janusz who’s resume speaks for itself. Professional Athlete Comparison: Roger Federer
KevinKevin is a surfer brah. He owes his whole life to glass blowing because glass blowing “kept him off the streets” and on the straight and narrow. You have to think that he is incredibly passionate about glass blowing. What Kevin lacks in physicality, he makes up for in passion, but with that passion, does he have the heart? Professional Athlete Comparison: Josh Hamilton
LeahLeah is out to prove that women can blow glass just as well, if not, better than men. Now granted, I didn’t know that glass blowing was a male dominate sport, but I commend her for service. She just needs to be careful that he causes and views don’t get in the way of her performance. Professional Athlete Comparison: Megan Rapinoe
MomoMomo is another quiet young gun who does things her own way. She’s got oodles of talent, but nobody really knows what she’s truly made of because she just won’t speak too much. What they do know, is that her raw talent alone could make her one of the all-time greats. Professional Athlete Comparison: Kawhi Leonard
PatrickPatrick, I think at heart is just a role player. He must’ve had a good season in a contract year to get signed for this gig, but he always seems worried about other people and his technical work just isn’t quite as good as the others. Is he a good glass blower? Absolutely. But is he as good as these other blowers? I guess we’ll have to wait and see. Professional Athlete Comparison: Current Isaiah Thomas
AnnetteAnnette has a storied past of glass blowing before she hung up her blow pipes and punties a few years back, but decided to get back in the game for one more go around at the ship. She brings experience and knowledge, but you can’t over look the fact that she hasn’t competitively blown glass in a few years. Professional Athlete Comparison: Brett Favre
BenjaminBenjamin is another guy with a lot of experience, but in this first episode, he found himself in a dick measuring contest with the other contestants. Similar to Patrick, he was worried about everyone else and was maybe even a bit intimidated. He has all the tools to be a serious contender, but if he lets his emotions get in his way, he could be in for a short tenure on Blown Away. Professional Sports Comparison: Dwight Howard
DeborahFull disclosure, Deborah is my favorite of the competitors. She has a self-proclaimed “polarizing” personality and is very old school in her tactics. She wears a headband and sweats like a mother fucker when she’s blowing her glass. She’s another one that wears her heart on her sleeves, but she does it in a good way. I’m looking for big things from Deborah. Professional Athlete Comparison: Bill Walton
In the first episode they had to make something that was representative of themself for the judges. A few things worth pointing out:
Edgar shot his shot and made a goddamn hand holding a globe, AND finished is sculpture first.
My girl Deborah dropped her sculpture and it brokeBut have no fear because Deborah is a fucking BOSS and stuck it in the glory hole and melded it back together.
Janusz is a physical specimen
Kevin’s sculpture broke with 30 minutes left, leaving him to essentially bow out of the competition and eat 9 cans of ravioli.
And Patrick’s whale was described by the judge as something she would find in the airport.
But in the end, it was Kevin and his shattered surfing sculpture that were sent home, and Alexander and his majestic piece got the win in episode one of Blown Away. Check it out for yourself (they’re only 20 minute episodes!), but I’ll be giving recaps right here of each episode.