Tank Chesney is a former porn star, who is obtaining his MBA at an exclusive for-profit college (and still shoots the occasional porno). There’s really only two things in life he wants to master – business and sex. And since he’s already been a pornstar, might as well chase that MBA!
We’re lucky to have such a passionate guy on our staff and can’t wait to see what kind of genius the Tank rolls out.
**Tank has also attempted to become a ghost writer for Nashville-scene country music stars.**
Hailing from the #SouthSide of Queens, Big Fudge is our only native city dweller and looks to report the news from his prospective… A prospective drenched in Twisted Tea’s and that beautiful Rockaway Beach ocean spray. When we met Fudge, he was just a nubile at college but it was clear to us that this man was born to be a legend – he was born to run.
When he isn’t writing for the site or doing the podcast here on Water Cooler Sports, Fudge is a biiiiiiig bar guy. Easy to pick out of the crowd, you’ll often find Big Fudge singing along to an obscure Irish song, or karate-dancing to whatever sweet boner jam the jukebox is playing that night. If you ever think to yourself “Who IS that guy with the sweet flow? I need to go over and shake his hand… And maybe more #winkyface – then you, my friend, have met Big Fudge.
We’re excited to have Big Fudge here as he is the youth of the organization. Nothing but excitement (aka arousal) on our behalf to have a talent like his.
The task of describing Taylor in a “Meet the Team” write-up is harder than Sandusky at a Chuck-E-Cheese, so I decided to just hit the basics, and let you decide whether you like this kid or not…
He’s from New Jersey (strike 3) but commutes to the Big Apple. Loves all things New York sports – Giants and Knicks are his shit, but you’ll see him quietly rooting for the Jets and even those Buffalo Bills upstate. Known to frequent both Citi Field and Yankees Stadium, so not sure what he deal is there.
What else about Taylor… He’s delusional. He’s a pyscho. He’s New York.
Taylor will be joining Big Fudge on our upcoming weekly New York Sports Podcast – “In My Face?!“. We hope you think he’s as good
as we do as his mom does!
Hailing from South Georgia, Miller is the southern gentleman of the group, who enjoys nothing more than Saturdays filled with Chic-Fil-A and SEC triumph, especially by his Georgia Bulldogs. Similar to his hero Paul Finebaum, he will be the first to tell you just how great the SEC is, and he is not afraid to ridicule other conferences for their mediocrity. He also has an uncanny ability to rock a mullet for special occasions. It’s not the prettiest sight, but somehow he can pull it off.
On the weekends, you can find Miller at any of his favorite local bars. This is where one can watch him truly flourish, as his impressive ability to devour Jack and Cokes, and sing Creed karaoke will be on display for all to see.
Miller is an asset who brings a lot of enthusiasm to Water Cooler Sports, and we are very pleased to have him aboard.
Webster’s Dictionary defines “mediocre” as “of only moderate quality; not very good.” For much of his life, Ketch has been trying to rewrite the definition of mediocre to say “of only moderate quality; kind of good.” With some hard work and elbow grease, he’s well on his way.
A former Division I bullpen catcher, Ketch has seen a lot in his life and brings fresh new perspectives in two of his favorite pastimes: sports and reality television. Ketch’s fanhood lies mainly with the Boston Red Sox, but additionally with the New York Knicks and Giants as well as the Boston Bruins… kind of. Ketch is ecstatic to be a member of the Water Cooler Sports team and can’t wait to share his thoughts with the world.
Don’t forget to check out Ketch’s podcast with Miller called “Keeping Score at Home” and keep an eye out for Bro-casting which will be coming soon!
Hailing from “The Q” – this kid knows the thick jams. Ever heard of a song that would make even your grandmother’s panties SOAKING wet? Well, the human Shazam Davey Crockett can make that happen… BANG SAUCE!!
When we first met Davis he was a freshman and he got hazed bad. I mean, if there were two queen beds in the room during a road trip, RD was lucky to see a pillow tossed his way to sleep on. But guess what? That treatment made him the man he is today. The kid is now an absolute savage.
At one point, he was Brad Pitt in Fury. Southpaw. #16. Hates leg day #ChickenLegs. Some say “has traps like Tom Hardy” – others say “kid can’t read.” Whatever the case, at Le Moyne’s frat house, he plowed more than the local DPW – and that wasn’t necessarily a compliment.
We’re stoked to have DJ RD aboard. He knows the hot songs, he knows how to get it in. “Let’s make a baby!”
Meet Intern Billy
And we thought Big Fudge was the young gun in the group… Intern Billy was like 12 when Ketch and Taylor were blacking out on Caption & Grapefruit’s, playing “MLB the Show” and listening to Crystal Baller…
Anyway, Ketch and Billy grew up in a couple small towns near each other and evidently everyone knows everyone there… regardless of age or gender or anything. Honestly, their hometown is a wild place. I’m pretty sure it’s not real.
Boy did we digress there…. Slick Willy, when he’s not catching bullpens for Ketch, is going to be blogging for us about literally anything. ANYTHING. He has an unlimited leash and we can’t wait to see what that turns into.
Now, we need to get this off our chests – Billy did suffer a catastrophic skateboarding injury where he tore his ACL. If you could, during his heroic rehab just #PrayForBilly. We THINK he’ll make it but there’s no harm in prayer (EMIRIGHT Tim Tebow?).
Mac is joining the team as a writer and has one of those personalities that just flat out FUCKS. How at such a young age could that be possible you might be thinking?
Oh, because 3 years ago when Miller was running the local Sigma Phi Martin frat, Mac learned under his tutelage. He learned from legends of the frat like Miller and Producer Tim. God damn did that translate to glory because now, as we see Mac has blossomed into the beautiful specimen you see today.
So his sports allegiances… he’s a Red Sox guy, who also cheers for the Eagles, AND the Siena Saints (biiiig MAAC guy)… Needless to say he’ll bring a fresh perspective.
Oh, and my favorite part about him joining on – Mac told me he was really into “black twitter”. I have literally next to no clue what that means, meaning Mac holds a REAL Wild Card around here.
“Spirit. Leadership. Inquiry. Mac.”
Shimmy – or “Shimmy Shimmy Ya” (which of course is his God-given Christian name) – is another writer hailing from the prestigious Le Moyne College. We found our boy by way of Slick Willy, though back in the day, legend has it that Miller took a young Shimmy under his wing and nurtured him into the man he is today.
Weighing in at 168 lbs and roughly 5’10”, Shimmy (self proclaimed) plays ball like a 150 lb 5’5″ black point guard. For a short time, he wrote for his college newspaper “The Dolphin” but like all good journalists – jumped ship when he knew this opportunity was on the horizon.
His fandoms are wild… New York Rangers, Miami Dolphins, Syracuse Men’s Basketball, New York Mets and NBA (in general?). He believes that Rodger Goodell should be on the FBI’s most wanted list and that Tom Brady is the GOAT (even though he’s a Miami Dolphins fan…) – I don’t know guys. I don’t know.
Regardless, we have high hopes for Shimmy as should you. A fresh perspective and zest for life has me FIRED THE EFF UP to welcome Shimmy Shimmy Ya to the squad!!
We here at Water Cooler Sports go far and wide to find hot takes, especially on topics MAYBE we aren’t all that familiar with… But this guy? We didn’t have to go far for. Oh Diggity and Big Fudge actually are cousins (as I’m sure you could tell by their strinking photogenicness). Listen, thus far Oh Diggity has proven that he is chock full of these red hot takes – from hating Adam Schefter to bashing the Browns (and their fans’ spelling skills), I don’t think we could’ve found ourselves a better writer.
From Rockaway, New York, Oh Dawg doesn’t change “who we are and where we’re from” but he certainly provides us a younger, fresher prospective and I for one am pumped to see what else he’s got to offer. He also will be providing us with daily “McPick 2” gambling locks where he gives us the two locks of the day. HUUUGE.
O, welcome to the team, glad to have you here brother.
As our newest hire and youngest writer, we welcome Q!! For his bio, I asked Q to give me a little rundown about himself so I can work my magic on his write-up. The response?
“I’m as close to a bi-racial angel as Derek Jeter is.”
Yeah, I think Q will fit in JUST fine!! Hailing from Long Island, Q is naturally a Knicks and Yankees fan, but is also a biiiig UNC basketball guy and an avid Duke h8r to spice things up.
Lastly, and personally my favorite, is that he’s a “Stephen A Smith enthusiast”. Now, I don’t know what the hell that could mean, but shit, Stephen A is wild, so I can only hope that just spews more and more hot takes.
Q, happy to have you join us around the Water Cooler!!
Ragu, aka Johnny Pasta Sauce, was our first overseas hire… Okay, “overseas” may be a bit of a stretch, as he hails from Rochester, NY. But he currently is spreading his seed all over Spain – Barcelona more specifically – so he basically is another diversity hire. Regardless, from 3,500 miles away, he has been putting forth top notch material.
Now, to introduce you all to him, I’m going to throw it back to my first memory of Ragu. He entered my humble abode as a young freshman rugby player, and as he walked up my stairs
our frat hound Bo smelled his nuts real good, and I could just sense we had a potential legend on our hands. A confidence all his own. It was like looking in a mirror that made me younger and Italian. He’s just one of those winning personalities. Total GOAT from Day 1.
I personally am ecstatic to be cooking with Ragu moving forward. Welcome to the team Johnny!!